Reflections

I've not written a blog entry in some time.  With this new job, I don't have the time I used to, and I certainly don't have the time to really develop this blog the way I was hoping.  Ah well. I'm mostly writing it for my own benefit, and if it blesses others, so much the better.

First, the light weight stuff.  My friend Vickie challenged me to learn how to prep meals for the freezer/crockpot.  She's been doing it for some time, and asked if anybody was willing to take part in a meal exchange.  I finally found some recipes that I thought looked good and dove in.  I found this site to be very useful!

 http://www.six-cents.com/2012/06/crockpot-freezer-cooking-101.html 

In fact, I'm going to be making her freezer chicken salsa, with some minor modifications, for the first meal exchange next week. 

This past few weeks at work have been very busy.  Finished the followup work to our largest outreach - our Living Lord's Supper presentation, then went to a conference last week.  I did glean some good information about short term mission trips during the conference, and bonded a little with some of the Ministry Leadership Team from church as well.  Then this week, yesterday actually, we hosted a National Day of Prayer event at church.  I was tasked with making a display board for the Worship Ministries, and my choice was "Pray for Our Elected Officials"  Here's a (not so great) picture of the board I designed:

I am loving the fact that I can use my creative scrapbooking skills and get paid for them :) 

Now, for what I really wanted to write about:

I found out that a childhood/high school friend died the morning of May 7 as a result of a tragic accident. It's funny how things like that cause you to reflect.  I've reestablished contact with some of those friends, but have lost all contact others. I know out of the group of 11 of us, six of us have remained faithful to God, and are active in our churches, including the one who is now rejoicing in Heaven. The rest, I don't know.  Certainly puts life in perspective. 

My quiet time this morning was Jeremiah 27-31

29:11 I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

William's death has really caused me to reflect on my past life, and how far I've come in the 40+ years since then. I'm not the same person, in so many ways, that I used to be, yet the insecurities that were present then - the feeling of being just on the fringe with nothing to contribute, has not gone away.  I still second guess myself all the time, especially when trying something new.

Yet, the Lord has been good.  Since those days I've…

• Joined the Air Force, graduating as an honor grad from tech school.
• Became a paralegal in the Air Force and won awards.
• Was requested to go on TDY trips because of my skill in claims.
• Eventually retired as a Master Sergeant, having turned down promotions because of the impact it would have had on my family.
• Married (too young), had 4 children. Divorced. Remarried a very Godly man.  Now have two grandchildren, a son in law and a daughter in law. One child is preparing to go on her third mission trip, and talking about going to Honduras as a full-time missionary in the near future.
• Moved - Cleveland, Omaha, Portugal, Florida, Ohio, Virginia, Arizona
• Went to college off and on until finally graduating Summa Cum Laude from Liberty University in 2014 - 40 years after graduating from high school
• Served on multiple boards at a handful of churches, missions committees, women's fellowship director or board member, constitutional revision committee, church clerk, choir secretary
• Several short term mission trips, and one upcoming
• Landed in a dream job - Administrative Assistant to the Worship Pastor. Not only serving the Lord in a full time capacity, but using creative skills I never believed I had in a way I never could have imagined. 

I can see the Lord's hand through all of this, although at times I wonder. But You are faithful, and yes, You did and do have plans for me, plans to give me hope and a future.  What will the next…20?..however many years I have left, bring?  Hearing of William's death… I know that my life could end today. Help me live my life in every moment so I hear you say "well done, good and faithful servant."

God's Amazing Grace

I started my job as the administrative assistant to the Worship Pastor at our church in September.  I've worked before; I was in the military as a paralegal, worked for attorneys, and in other jobs.  I was fairly competent in those jobs, I knew what I was doing, had been through pretty extensive training, courtesy of the Air Force, so I didn't feel out of my league.  However, in this job for some reason I have often felt like I was in way over my head.  I've been in choirs for years, and was the choir secretary for many years. But this is different. For starters, this choir is larger than any other choir that I was secretary for.  Second, my responsibilities are much greater than they ever were back in those days!

Part of my job is to create the bulletin and announcement inserts.  That part is easy - some word processing and Publisher experience is all it takes.  Another part which is slightly more difficult is getting used to a program called Pro Presenter that we use to project the service to the congregation.  After several weeks of consternation, I think I've finally figured it out. Still not a pro on it by any means, but I feel a lot more comfortable.  Today I had the pleasure of actually having to run the images during a memorial service.  I put the playlist in the system on Thursday, ran through it, made sure everything worked.  Then when today came and I actually had to play it for people, it went just fine! Thank you Lord!!

A part I really enjoy is being able to flex my creative skills.  I have the responsibility to do announcement power points, a video for announcements (power points converted into an MP-4), and posters for the Worship ministry. Since my boss is also the executive pastor, and in charge of a major remodeling project we are beginning the day after Easter, I have had to create signage directing our congregation about entries, information flyers and commitment flyers.  That part is fun, I have to admit.  It's interesting to see how God has taken what was a hobby  and turned it into something to use for His glory.

Another part of my job is the musical part. While I've been in choirs and am very familiar with choral music, orchestrations are another thing.  I played flute (badly) in junior high school, and that is the extent of my exposure to orchestra music.  I was responsible for sending out orchestrations to all the members, including nine that we hire from the community.  Well, wouldn't you know it, but I sent the wrong arrangement to one of the songs and it wasn't discovered until this past week?  Ugh.  I didn't realize that we had two different arrangements of the same song!  Stress level - over the top!  It was rectified on Monday though, and everyone is professional enough that in the end it turned out ok. 

Second issue surfaced this morning, during our final practice.  In one of the songs, the woodwinds had a problem.  At first, I thought (and so did my boss) that I hadn't copied a page.  Come to realize that no, the problem was that the editor/publisher had messed up and three or four measures were missing. They are "rest" measures, and fortunately my daughter-in-law, one of our paid clarinet players and a Music Ed teacher, discovered it and said that it was NOT me! Whew! 

I'm finally getting to the point of this entry, which is a reflection on God's Amazing Grace.  On my way into church this morning, I was listening to the music we are performing. This year we have added three new songs, Scandal of Grace, Oh the Blood, and Cornerstone.  All three of them, and the song that is my favorite, I Stand Redeemed, talk in different ways about God's amazing grace.  I couldn't help but think that without God's grace that He has so freely extended to us, we would have no idea how to extend grace to others.  I've been the recipient of that grace.    In previous jobs, if I've made a mistake, even an innocent, ignorant one, I've been beat up and berated, once cursed out for a mistake that was primarily my then-boss's fault.  What I have discovered working in a church is that GRACE is the operative word!  Oh, I am so very grateful for that.  I've never experienced such grace.  To quote a line from I Stand Redeemed, I am humbled by the grace that has been offered. Not only by my wonderful boss, but more importantly by my wonderful Savior.  

My prayer is that everyone experience this grace. God's grace is simply amazing. He took me, when I was a sinner, totally lost, and offered me grace and forgiveness.  I stand redeemed. 

When I think of all my faults and all my failures
When I consider all the times I've let God down
I am humbled by the grace He has extended
I'm amazed at the mercy I have found
I could never earn His love on my own
Yet every time I come before His throne
 

Chorus:
I stand redeemed by the blood of the Lamb
I stand redeemed before the great I AM
When He looks at me, He sees the nail scarred hands
That bought my liberty
I stand redeemed

Even at my best I am unworthy
I have nothing precious i can give
A broken life is all I have to offer
And yet it's a priceless gift to Him
The bitter mark of sin will never fade away
But I can come before Him unashamed 

http://lyrics333.com/i_stand_redeemed_lyrics_legacy_five.html

http://tinyurl.com/nncrbg6

Lastly, a shameless plug. Tomorrow at 3:00 Tucson time, and Wednesday, April 1- Friday, April 3 at 7:00 p.m. Tucson time, we will be live streaming The Living Lord's Supper.  It is a live depiction of Da Vinci's The Lord's Supper, with each of the disciples coming to life from the painting and telling their story, accompanied by choral music and orchestra.  We would love to have you join us!  If you do join in, let me know!  You may join in the service by going to www.elcaminochurch.org and clicking on Live Stream.

Fog

We live in the desert, which is usually very warm and dry. In the winter, our wet season, the humidity generally runs below 50%, the dew point is often around 30.  It is DRY.  So imagine my surprise one Monday morning as I woke up to a thick, pea soup fog.  We have had fog before, but generally up in the mountains, and if it was in our valley, it burned off as soon as the sun rose.  However, this fog was different.  It descended and stayed around for some time, not burning off until well after 9:00 a.m.  It caught everyone off guard. There were numerous car accidents, people were late to work, and everyone was somewhat disconcerted by it.  However, the fog did lift; leaving behind a rare desert chill, but all was right with the world again.

I read an article recently that seemed to imply that trauma should not affect personal and spiritual lives; that those who have been traumatized should get over it, turn it over to the Lord, and life will be all “peaches and cream” forevermore.  Usually those who have this outlook have not experienced any kind of serious trauma.  They live in a world where they have been spared any major difficulties.  The implication from these well-meaning people is that it is as simple as “give it over to God and the pain will go away.”  If you don’t do so, or continue to struggle, then you simply are not “spiritual” enough, or you are living in sin.  

I have lived with trauma- the trauma of a broken marriage.  I am 17 years removed from the end of my marriage, and yet, to this day, I am impacted by it.  When I was first faced with the reality that I was about to become a statistic, it really felt like I was grouping my way through a thick fog; an unrelenting, smothering, cold, damp fog that seemed like it would continue forever.   You reach out to grasp at something, not knowing if it is safe enough to hold you and help you through the fog, or if it is an angry animal that will turn on you and attack.  You do not know where to turn; do not trust your instincts anymore; feel totally and completely disoriented and lost, and have no idea when the fog will lift. You wonder where God is, or if He is there at all.

Nevertheless, the fog does begin to lift.  As you feel your way through it, you realize that by just sliding one foot in front of the other, you are making progress. It begins to get easier.  Slowly but surely, just as the fog burned off in Tucson, the fog burns off in your life.  The sky is blue again and you can see clearly.  However, it does not stay that way forever.  More clouds, more fog often rolls in, and you find yourself in the fog again.  The fog goes away much more quickly each time, and the blue skies return.  It does get easier.  You find that the foggy days are not as frequent, in fact you will one day wake up and see nothing but blue skies and realize that it’s been that way for some time. 

God was there, even when I could not see or feel His presence. He was the One who sustained me even when I felt like the fog would consume me.  I turned to His word time and time again and found comfort and the strength to press on.  Passages like the Psalms where David cried out in his anguish, pouring his heart out to God.  Promises like those found in Jeremiah 29:11 and 33:3.  God was there, ever Faithful, ever True.  The God who provides, the God who sees. The God who Loves.  God Almighty.  I can truly say along with the Psalmist

You are my God and I will praise you,

You are my God and I will exalt you!

Psalm 118:28

January verses, Siesta Scripture Memory Team 2015.  (Living Proof Ministries, lproof.org)

My staff verse for 2015

Fruit, and the importance of Memorizing Scripture

I am reading through the Bible using a different system this year; it seems a little disjointed to me, since the reading bounces around the different sections of the Bible throughout the week.   So I started off my reading time as I should be doing every day, praying that He would reveal to me exactly what I needed to hear today. 

The passage this morning in Matthew 3-4.  Yes, that passage is chock full of things that the Lord wants us to know - the ministry of John the Baptist, and his encounter with the religious leaders of the day; the baptism of Jesus by John; the temptation of Jesus and how he resisted Satan using scripture. 

My first observation came in chapter 3, verse 8.  John is addressing the religious leaders of his day.  He could see through their façade of piety, and he called them on it.  Without going into the background of the Pharisees and Sadducees, he pointedly asked them if they were bearing the fruit that showed their repentance.   

If John were looking at me today, would he see any fruit that show that I am repentant?  Galatians 4:22-23 gives a list of the fruit that should be evident in my life as a Spirit-indwelled believer:   love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.  I thought about it for a while.  Am I bearing fruit that is evident to others, both believers and unbelievers alike?  Sometimes I wonder what kind of fruit others are seeing. Is it good, nourishing fruit, or is it shriveled, rotten, under ripe, bitter fruit?  Is it fruit that I have in abundance, or are there only one or two pieces? My prayer is that the Lord will work in my life so I bear good fruit, and good fruit in abundance. 

The second observation that I made today is  from the temptation of Jesus.  One of the major reasons we memorize scripture is to combat Satan. For every temptation that Satan threw at Jesus, He responded with "It is written." THAT is what I need to be doing when I am tempted, especially when I am tempted to dwell in my past.  I am NOT that person any longer, God has re-created me into His image, and I need to reflect that. I am significant in His eyes.  Since I've joined with Beth Moore and Living Proof Ministries in memorizing 24 verses this year, my prayer is that God will reveal exactly what passages I need to memorize so that I have an arsenal to be used when I'm plagued by the temptation to think I'm insignificant.

Yes, the Lord did speak to me today in my quiet time, as I knew He would.  I need to meditate on His word and commit it to memory because it is through that discipline that the fruit of the Spirit is developed in my life.  His word is what I need to combat Satan, and to answer those who have questions.  Lord, help me continue to hide Your word in my heart so I may bear much fruit, and so I can say "it is written" when the tempter attacks.  

Welcome to 2015

Well, it's 2015.  2014 was a pretty eventful year - some major life events, lots of minor ones

First, the major:

• Graduated summa cum Laude with a BS in Interdisciplinary Studies from Liberty University
• Started a new job as Administrative Assistant to the Worship/Executive Pastor at my church
• Moved my daughter to Minnesota, where she is following the Lord's leading by attending Kairos, a discipleship training school under the umbrella of Reign Ministries. 

The minor:

• Tried my hand at several new recipes. Some were keepers, others not so much.  I think this year I need to expand my blog to include those, especially the successes, although most of them I've found in other places on the Web.  Most of them, however, I've made my own by varying ingredients to suit our tastes.  
• Finished one quilt, but have two more sitting, waiting paitently.
• Discovered that my job requires much more artistic creativity!  I've broken out my Cricuit again!  Now, maybe I'll actually get some scrapbooking done this year as well

This was a practice for gifts I gave out as Christmas gifts. For the gifts, I used gold lettering and mounted them in black frames.

 I'm really enjoying my job, but it is far more challenging than I thought it would be. I've been there about 3 months now, and I still make far more mistakes than I should.  For whatever reason, I'm so afraid of disappointing my boss, that the anxiety can be overwhelming at times.  I really need to work on that, and on trusting the Lord.  I'm really dealing lately with a lot of self-esteem issues, which is silly.  I've proven I can do things, and do them well, so what's my problem?  The job may become even more challenging this month.  If so, then I will learn even more to trust on the Lord, and do my best.

One of the things I really like about the job is that we have accountability groups every week.  We are held accountable for reading our Bible/quiet time; prayer time - specifically prayer time for our church and its leaders and  sharing our testimony and witnessing.  We have to choose and memorize a staff verse, and have been assigned reading - this year it's John Piper's Desiring God. I've started to read it, and have found a study guide on line that I'm going to work on as well. Because we have to memorize our staff verse, I've decided to join in with Beth Moore's Living Proof Ministries (blog.lproof.org) Siesta Scripture Memory Team 2015 (SSMT).   I played around a little today, and came up with this for my first verse:

 I think I'm going to try to do something similar for every verse that I memorize over the course of the year.

Last year I did pretty good with reading. In addition to reading for school, I also read Good to Great in God's Eyes, by Chip Ingram; Wounded by God's People, by Anne Graham Lotz; Transforming Together,  by Ele Parrot; and The Pursuit of God,  by A. W. Tozer.  I've started both Miracles, by Eric Metaxas, GodLess America, by Todd Starnes, and God's Pursuit of Man, by Tozer.  I don't know how far I'll get in those three, I'm going to concentrate on the assigned reading first. I hope to be able to blog after each chapter.

I'm really proud of Amanda and how she has let the Lord work in her life. She's learning a lot, growing a lot - not only mentally, but more importantly, spiritually.  It's exciting to watch her learn to trust the Lord for everything.  The program is totally faith based, so she has to raise funds. We are helping to support her some, mostly with her personal finances, but the rest come from donors.  Seeing how God provides is exciting - scary and challenging, but exciting.

What will 2015 bring? I don't know.  But the year is the Lord's and I'm leaving it up to Him!

The "Other World"

I'm reading A. W. Tozer's Pursuit of God, and just finished the chapter on Apprehending God   The chapter talks about understand God as a real personality, a reality, not just an ideal.  To begin to understand God in this manner, we have to accept the reality that there is another world out there, a spiritual world.   Tozer points out that the very root of Christianity lies in belief of a spiritual world, the invisible.  Yes, I know conservative, fundamentalist Christians tend to downplay the spiritual realm, but I don't understand why.  It was never really discussed when I was a child.  In fact, aside from talk about the Holy Spirit, I feel like I was actively discouraged from believing in another, spiritual, world.  I remember being told that while Satan exists, demons don't, or at least they don't affect us at all. They are unconcerned with Christians.  At least that is what I thought.  But now that I am older and wiser (?), I know that there is another world, a spiritual world.   It is very real.

 We live on two planes - one of them is this earthly world, the physical world that we are a part of; the world that we live, breath, eat, drink, work, play in.  But we also, as Christians, must be conscious of the "other world", the world where our souls are in touch with God.  That is the world where He speaks to us.  Yet at the same time, and this is what so many Christians want to deny, that world is also populated by evil. It's the same world where Satan and his host reside. Yes, I do believe that there is a spirit world out there that we cannot see, but certainly can know.  If our eyes were opened to that spiritual world, and we could really see what is going on, I do think that quite possibly it would be as the author Frank Peretti described - angels and demons

standing, watching. One waiting to jump on every opportunity to defeat and destroy, and one (Christ himself, in the form of the Holy Spirit) standing guard waiting to fight at our simple command.  That's the whole point of the armor of God. Why else are we instructed in Ephesians 6 to put on the armor of God, a spiritual armor, if we aren't in battle against spiritual forces? 

I thought of the hymn, Open My Eyes.  The author, Clara Scott, asks God to open her eyes to the truth that God has for her, to understand His will.  However, it's risky really asking God to open our eyes to the spiritual world.  I believe that when we do, we see the other things, the things that we don't want to see.  Yet Lord, I still pray that you will open my eyes.  If I am fully protected by His armor, then having my eyes opened to the spiritual realm is actually pretty exciting! 

Lord, help me put on your armor - the girdle of truth, the breastplate of righteousness, my feet covered with the gospel of peace, holding onto the shield of faith, with the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit.   Then, and only then, am I prepared to see the other world, and everything that it contains.  

Listen to a beautiful piano version of the hymn http://tinyurl.com/p6pke93