I've not written in my blog for some time, but it seems right to share this now. I still have a long way to go, and a lot of lessons that the Lord is teaching me, but this is where I am right now. Writing has a way of clarifying thoughts. The Lord has been so good to me during all of this. From the beginning, my thought has never been "Why me, Lord?" But "Why, Lord? What are you teaching me on this painful journey." I hope to share more in the days and weeks to come. But this is where it all began.
Lessons from My Recliner
“You have a broken tibia.” I never thought that I would hear those words, but that’s my reality. On June 5, 2021, Tom and I were out for our usual 20+ mile Saturday ride. We had gone south on the Loop this time, to Viva Coffee Shop. It’s always a challenging ride because of the rather steep incline up Harrison Road to Valencia, so we reward our effort by stopping for a coffee before returning home. After we had our coffee, I stood up and had a very brief dizzy spell. I thought nothing of it, it’s happened before, and they usually pass quickly. We got on our bikes and headed home.
Things were going well, I was cycling along when suddenly, on the downhill, going about 18 miles per hour, I put on my brake, had a dizzy spell, and down I went. The next thing I knew, a very kind gentleman, who introduced himself to me as a pediatric orthopedic surgeon, was talking to me, asking me questions, and looked at my leg. The next words he said were the ones at the beginning of this story - “I would say you have a broken tibia, from the looks of it.” Two other riders came up about this time, and he, Dr. Vincent, asked them if they would go back down the hill to find Tom.
This particular hill was daunting, because in October 2020, roughly eight months before, I had flown over my handlebars, breaking my pinky, trashing my rotator cuffs, and bruising myself quite a bit. So, I always went a lot slower down it and Tom goes ahead and waits at the bottom of the hill, about a mile away. By the time the two riders caught up to him, he had already stopped and was waiting, a bit worried I hadn’t come down yet. They asked him who he was and told him that I had wrecked.
When he arrived, Dr. Vincent explained who he was and what he thought. He volunteered to call 911, stayed until the paramedics and ambulance arrived, explained who he was and what he suspected was wrong with me. Both the paramedics and the ambulance medics were great. They took great care to do as much as they could not to cause even more pain. Tom called Amanda, who came with the truck to pick up Tom and our bikes and take him home.
X-rays, exams, iv's, blood work, and finally admitted and transferred to a room in the Orthopedics wing. The diagnosis was a broken tibia plateau. Dr. Mark Braunstein was the first orthopedist that saw me, but as he's shoulders/elbows, he said that he wouldn't be the one to do any surgery. They explained my options to me - a surgery then to put in pins/plates/rods, followed by a second surgery to remove them all in the future, followed by a total knee replacement, or just let the bones heal and have the knee replacement. Needless to say, I opted for that.
They attempted to put me in a soft brace, but my leg was too swollen for that, so a couple of days later, I was given a thigh to ankle hinge brace that would be my constant companion for the next 14 weeks. I had to have everything done for me while I was in the hospital - sponge bath, bathroom (bedpan - yuck), the works. I could feed myself, fortunately, but not much else. Finally, on the last day, I was there, I was allowed to get up and using the walker go to the bathroom myself. That was so freeing. And I surprised the nurses with my upper body strength which enabled me to use the walker with no issues.
Because of my cardiac history, I had to undergo several cardiac exams. Fortunately for me, my regular cardiologist, Dr. Tirrito, just so happened to be the cardiologist on call that Monday morning, so he oversaw everything, and knowing my history it helped. He was kind of put out though because the protocol at the hospital called not only for a nuclear stress test, but they also wanted an angiogram. While I was recovering from that, I was told by the nurse that I had a visitor. That’s highly unusual because even Tom wasn’t allowed back there. Well, it turned out that Vicki Fountain, from our previous Church, El Camino, was working the volunteer desk, saw my name, and asked if she could stop in and say hello. It was so nice seeing a familiar, friendly face!
I was transferred to Encompass, a rehabilitation facility near TMC. Everyone there was exceptional, from the admission people to the nurses, therapists, and aids. I went through 9 days of occupational therapy and physical therapy and again impressed the nurses and therapists with my upper body strength. I'm so thankful that I was working out and had the upper body strength to do what needed to be done. And that's something I've continued working on, even now.
After being discharged from Encompass, we opted for me to receive in-home care for a few weeks so Tom could make the adjustments necessary as he was fully responsible for juggling work, home duties, cooking, caring for me. Again, the nurses and therapists that came from Encompass were a Godsend. They were all very caring and considerate yet pushed me enough to get me where I needed to be.
I have always journaled, and wrote this on June 15, while still in rehab:
God is sovereign. He is still in control, even in this. He knew it, he allowed it. My job is to glorify him throughout it. The passage of scripture I read this morning ended with the following: "you are Christ’s and Christ is God’s." I belong to him, and he doesn’t want to see his children suffer. The events of last year really taught me a lot about God’s character and especially his sovereignty. If this would have happened at this time last year (during the Covid year!), I highly doubt I’d be in the same mental state.
I finally got home on June 19. Then the real work began. I'm so grateful that Tom has worked from home for six years now because I can't imagine what life would be if he wasn't. We did take advantage of the home health care that was offered, and we also took advantage of the offer of meals from our life group at Rincon Mountain Presbyterian Church. The home health care consisted of visits by a nurse, occupational therapist, and physical therapist. They were all extremely good. The OT was a crack up. He constantly commented that I really didn't need his help, I had it all figured out already, but he did what he had to do. The PT, Richard, was also very good. He pushed me, but not overly so, and at one point when my foot was particularly painful, he even massaged it. The nurses were all good as well, checking my mental health, my blood pressure, and temp, and making sure I was on top of my medication. The time came at the end of July where I decided I really didn't need home health care any longer, mostly so I could go back to the gym. But it was good while it lasted.
While this was going on, I continued to experience dizzy spells. On July 8, I woke up during the night and needed to go to the restroom. I made it there with my walker, but on the way back, I began to blackout. I had taken both Tramadol and Trazodone well before bedtime, so I thought I would be ok. Well, I wasn’t. I called out to Tom, who caught me in time and carried me back to bed. When I woke up in the morning, I called Encompass, explained what happened, and they said to get back to the hospital. After sitting in the waiting room and ER for a while, I was admitted once again, this time to the cardiac unit. I was kept for three days, partly because my D-Dimer numbers were still very high and they were concerned about a blood clot. Dr. Tirrito wasn’t terribly concerned, all the tests came back perfectly normal, but they wanted to be extra sure. Dr. Hills said later that as long as my body is healing from the fractures that my D-Dimer numbers will continue to be elevated. They started me on a high dosage of Xarelto, a blood thinner, which I will remain on until well after the surgery.
As I said, we took advantage of the offer of meals. Three times a week, our life group - Dave and Brenda Wiersma, Harvey and Gail Jansen and M and F ** (names redacted for privacy) - along with a couple of others, brought us delicious meals, usually with enough for us to have leftovers. It was a blessing I won't soon forget.
Tom and I were talking about the days when I seem to have the hardest time dealing with all of this, and I told him that yes, weekends were the worst because waking up, seeing the absolutely beautiful weather, and knowing I can't get out on my bike anymore definitely leads to blueness. One particular Saturday, Tom went out to ride without me, with my blessing. However, the minute he left, I broke down. I just sobbed and sobbed over what I've lost. There have been so many losses related to both the accident and Covid. I no longer have the freedom to hop in the car and go where I want, go to church weekly - we've only been two times since my accident - go to the gym without having to call Matt or rely on Tom to get me there. Even the simple act of going to the bathroom and taking a shower was complicated. Getting up and making meals for a while was impossible. I could get in the kitchen and get a snack but standing to cook was simply too much. I'm so glad for the progress I've made in the past several months. I'm now using a walker and only taking the wheelchair out shopping. I'm making breakfast and lunch and helping with dinner. I can even shower alone and do the laundry!
The Saturday that I was overwhelmed, the ladies in our life group went above and beyond to help me. I texted them simply asking them to pray for me. Within a few minutes, Brenda called and said they were coming over and all three showed up about 30 minutes later. They circled me, prayed, and cried with me, then we just sat and chatted. They understood the losses and filled the gap. They were truly the hands of Jesus when I needed them the most.
I had my first appointment with Dr. Chad Hills on July 6. That was when I found out the extent of my injury. While I was in the hospital, I was told that I would probably be having surgery in September, and well on my way to healing. Well, Dr. Hills put a damper on that. Because of the nature of the break, it's a lot more involved than that. He told me it would be at least six months.
I started in physical therapy with Sarah Moffett at Tucson Orthopedics. She is really good, doesn't push me beyond what I can bear, yet is working with me diligently to get where I need to be. As of this writing (October 13), I am at 100° plus or minus a few degrees. I know Dr. Hills wanted me at 90° before I could start bearing weight, which happened in August when he told me I could start with 25% of my body weight. Then in September, he told me I could start working up to 100% weight-bearing. I am pretty much at that now and hoping that Sarah will tell me to go ahead and transition to a cane when I see her again in a couple of weeks.
This week, I will start the first of three water therapy sessions. Once I know what I need to do in the pool, I'll start making it a priority, as much as possible, to get to the gym on base and use the pool there. Dr. Hills said water therapy is valuable to help rebuild the muscle tone that I've lost.
Through all of this, I've had good days and I've had bad days. I've learned to cut off the TV and haven't watched the news much at all lately. I'll watch a few minutes in the morning, then the evening news, then that's it. The constant barrage of negative noise was not good for me. I’m stronger, both physically and mentally. I go to the gym, and just about every time someone makes a comment to me about how determined I am, first in the wheelchair, now the walker. I just recently started back with full-body workouts, modified of course, but it feels so good to have something "normal" once again.
God has been faithful. This has taught me lessons I would otherwise never learn and lessons I'm still learning. We had our plans - a trip to Florida to select and put down money on a new home, home to sell this house, then move. Well, that obviously didn't happen. I know God has his plans for my life, and sometimes I get in the way of them. He has a way of changing my plans or at least making me aware that I am outside his perfect will for me, even if it hurts me and this definitely changed ours. However, He is sovereign, over my physical being and even over the political situation our country is currently in. He is my King, and he is the one I will have to answer to.
I'll close with these quotes from the Bible study I'm currently doing, The Son of David, Seeing Jesus in the Historical Books, by Nancy Guthrie:
Since Jesus is on the throne, you can stop trying to rule the world. You can stop all your worrying and your vain attempts to control everything about your life and your family…. your joy doesn't have to be so tied to your circumstances, and your sense of security doesn't have to be so easily shaken. The Lord reigns.The Lord God Omnipotent reigns. He reigns over my difficult circumstances. He reigns over my ongoing conflict. He reigns over my carefully crafted plans. And he can be trusted. He is a good King.
The Son of David: Seeing Jesus in the Historical Books, Copywrite 2013, Nancy Guthrie, Crossway Books, pages 161-162
